


Ephialtes

by RPGwrites



Series: Bad Things Happening Card [6]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Torture, Vomiting, Whump, radiation poisoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26694865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites
Summary: After suffering at the hands of the Archon, Ulrike swears she'd never, ever, set foot in a vault again. But when her brother needs her help, how can she refuse? Scared out of her mind, she forces herself to go. With an ever growing dread, she wonders if this is the worst decision she has ever made?
Relationships: Evfra de Tershaav/Female Ryder | Sara
Series: Bad Things Happening Card [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1831141
Comments: 18
Kudos: 9





	1. No Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ripley95](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripley95/gifts).



> Many thanks to Zuendwinkel for betaing!!

"What?" Her heart already beating as her memories went back to that time. 

The Archon used SAM to send electricity jolting through her body. Her muscles spasmed and tightened, rocking the chair so hard it was going to break from it. Ulrike couldn’t do anything but sit and endure. Her heart was beating out of her chest. Her lungs hurt. Breathing was painful.

Afterwards, her senses were filled with something burning. Her head wanted to split in two. 

“Ulrike…”

Someone was calling far off. 

“Ulrike!”

This time she snapped with her head. Her heart racing. 

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I just…” Ulrike sighed. They both knew she relived that moment again. Which only angered her. Why the hell would he ask her to relive the vaults again?

He rubbed his eyes tirelessly, "Ulrike I'm sorry. But you need to do this."

"I'm not setting my foot in a vault ever again. I thought you respected that. You're asking me this!" She strongly pointed at a datapad with all the information he sent her. "That's asking too much."

“Ulrike…” His words were filled with sympathy but she couldn’t take it. 

So she did the one thing she could. She disconnected the call. 

* * *

Ulrike was distracted by the ghost of her brother’s voice. She could still hear him demanding something that wasn’t fair of him. 

_ “Ulrike you need to do this.” _

And she walked straight into the Commander of the Resistance. 

Both of them lost balance and were on the ground. Evfra opened his mouth to say something but when his eyes realized who she was they softened immediately and his mouth spread into a thin line.

"Ryder."

She took a moment to get her bearings straight. "Oh, Evfra."

His eyes searched her carefully. "Are you alright?"

It was on her lips to tell him yes. She was fine but staring into his deep blue eyes just made her want to blurt it all out. “I…” she hesitated but pulled herself straight. “I just didn’t see where I was going.”

Evfra's frown deepened. He could see through her as easily as glass. She didn’t know if she hated or loved that about him. “You’re not fine.”

She sighed. “My brother called.”

Evfra grunted as he understood. But that was impossible. “I also hate getting calls from him."

Ulrike laughed. She couldn’t help herself. The laughter went out of her like gas unable to be maintained. 

“What’s the matter?” Evfra asked again. 

“We talked about the mission of getting inside Aya’s vault.”

“I don’t understand.” The frown on Evfra’s face deepened again. “Why would he discuss that with you?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. How is this both the easiest and hardest thing for her to do? Ulrike wanted to say but somehow the words refused to come out. “He wants me to lead the team.”

Evfra’s eyes widened in response. “Why?”

Evfra didn’t know that her SAM implant was the same as her brother’s. Even though she wasn’t as connected to SAM as him. Her brother almost died without SAM. She can survive without one. 

“I have a SAM as well and it’s the same as my brother’s,” she admitted slowly. 

“You can control the vaults…” Evfra pieced it slowly together. “Of course,” he mumbled.

Ulrike never talked about her connection to SAM. After what the Archon did she couldn’t. She ignored all conversations leading to that. 

“Look,” she started to say. Evfra sounded mad and she couldn’t blame him. “I didn’t say anything because I don’t want anything to do with the vaults. Not after…” She sighed as images covered her head again. 

_ She was back in the room again.  _

_ “Again,” the Archon said as he was preparing to shock her.  _

_ Stop thinking about it, Ulrike! _

Warmth is what brought her back. When she looked down she realized Evfra took her hand. “No need to explain.” His words brought all the comfort she needed and she was more thankful for it than she could possibly say. “I understand humans need to keep to themselves.”

She nodded. “Anyways,” she brought the subject back at hand. “I can’t lead them. Someone else has to.” Ulrike sighed as something popped in her head. “I’m not being selfish.”

“You’re not,” Evfra confirmed. “Your brother is asking too much. Someone else needs to lead them.”

Ulrike nodded. But that didn’t help the doubts, that settled in.

* * *

Ulrike was back at the vault. That dark room in the vault she’ll recognize anywhere. 

“No! No!” Her heart hammered. The chair, that chair sat in the middle of the space taunting her. She imagined, how it felt to sit in that chair for the rest of her life. The chair was always cold like the rest of the room. The chair never looked small, but somehow the chair always felt too small for her.

“SAM?” He must save her, he had to. She couldn't do this again. 

“Your AI is not here to save you this time.” A deep dark evil voice spoke. 

She'd recognise that voice anyway, but he was dead. Dead!! It couldn't be him! Her heart beat faster as she couldn’t breathe out of fear. Her whole body hurt as she remembered what he did last time to her.

Ulrike wanted to be brave, she wanted to scream and shout and yell, but the words were all stuck in her throat, choking her. Fear settled in. She had never been so afraid in her life, not even the last time the Archon captured her. She blinked, opening and closing her eyes as fast as she could to get out of this dreadful place. Not only was she still trapped, the Archon was still there. In fact, he got clearer. He laughed and it filled the space.

“You’ll never be rid of me Ryder. You’re nothing. Just a tool to be used.”

She gulped in fear. Fear turned to motion and she ran as fast as her legs could carry her. Her heart hammering against her chest so hard it was going to break her ribs. She reached the door. Locked! Tears in her eyes, she slammed her fist on it. She wasn't the Pathfinder, it wouldn't open for her. 

“Let me out!” she screamed. “Someone please!”

The Archon laughed louder. “You’re nothing!” One moment he was far away, the next he was mere inches from her. “Nobody is looking for you. Not even your pathetic brother. No one will miss you once you’re gone”

“That’s a lie!” The words rush out of her mouth, startling even her. 

Hot tears rolled from her cheeks. She wanted this to end. Pressing her hands against her ears to guard against the Archon's laughter, she shut her eyes and open them again only to find herself back at the chair again. The Archon’s breath was hot against her face. His breath reeked of blood of people who died. Families tore apart just so he could rebuild an army for who knows what. 

She wanted to run, she needed to flee, but her hands were cuffed to the chair again. Again! “No!” The word tore through her throat. 

“Let us begin shall we?” the Archon asked, his voice laced with amusement. He had some sort of device in his hand. It appeared as if from nowhere. The Archon switched it on.

And Ulrike screamed.

* * *

Ulrike screamed and it took her a moment to realize she was in her bed. Her throat felt raw from screaming. Closing her eyes she could still see the Archon’s face.

It’s been months but the Archon still haunts her dream at night. Her feet touched the cold floor and everything became too much. 

Hot tears were running across her cheeks and she hugged herself in an effort to calm her heart down. 

“Heart rate increase detected.” SAM’s unhelpful voice came. 

“I know SAM. I had a nightmare.” Her words were barely audible. Just loud enough for SAM to hear.

“I suggest seeing a doctor.”

Ulrike threw her pillow across the room. “No more doctors SAM!” she yelled. “I’ve seen enough of them!” She squeezed her eyes shut as the tears kept on flowing.

Lexi and Harry kept asking her to talk about it, but she couldn’t. No matter what she kept reliving that over and over again. 

“Understood Ulrike.”

She led out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry SAM. You don’t deserve my anger.”

“Your anger is understood.”

_ I doubt that.  _

* * *

After Ulrike calmed her heart she went out for fresh air. And it wasn’t long until she looked up to none other than Evfra.

“Ulrike?” His features changed into a worrisome look when he looked at her. “Are you okay?”

“No.” She laughed. “It’s months! Months! And I’m still there.” She squeezed her eyes shut as images of the Archon flooded her mind.

“I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

She sighed. It was her biggest mistake telling Evfra this. “No,” she choked out. 

“It will help.”

She laughed again. “That’s what everybody says but it never goes away, does it?” She grabbed the railing for support. 

“It does get better.” Evfra was calmed. Much calmer than she ever will be.

“How do you do that?”

Both of them knew what she meant. Evfra had his fair share of a haunted past. But he dealt much better with it than she ever will. 

“By leaning on others.”

She squeezed her eyes shut as tears stream down. “I can’t do that.”

He cupped her face and wiped her tears off. “You will.”

* * *

Ulrike gave a hard sigh as she pulled up her brother’s frequency. After days of thinking it over and each night filled with the Archon, she decided it was time to face her nightmares. 

But pulling his frequency from her omni-tool was the hardest thing she ever did. Her fingers felt stiff, unable to type. It took her minutes to call him. 

When his video feed came up he only raised an eyebrow in the process. 

“I’m sorry about cutting the feed last time,” she started. 

Her brother nodded in response. “I understand why you don’t want to but-”

“I’ll do it.” She interrupted him. He only blinked. He swallowed all words. “Ulric,” she shook her head. Her words were chocking her. “I can’t relive this. I need to face them.”

“Will you be okay?”

_ No. _

“I have to be.”

* * *

Evfra took a step back as he was taken aback. "Are you sure you're up for it?"

Everyone knew what the Archon did to her. She wished the entire Galaxy didn't know and because of it, everyone was in her business. Except for Evfra. 

He respected that she didn't want to talk about it. Evfra and Ulrike started talking more. They were friends? She couldn't be sure. But they enjoyed each others company.

"I'll be fine." She lied and she hoped he didn't know it. "What's important is resetting the vault. 

* * *

Ulrike didn't know if she should be happy or disappointed that the mission was the next day. The vault influenced too much. And it needed to be reset as soon as possible. 

But that night whenever she closed her eyes she saw the Archon. She screamed herself awake more than once. She woke up covered in her own sweat. 

After the third time, she decided to get ready for the day. 

First, she decided to get some much needed fresh air. She walked the streets of Aya. If it wasn't clear from the sky the streets told her no one was up at this hour. 

And then she saw Evfra again. 

"Ulrike. Shouldn't you be asleep? Humans need their sleep." The leader of the Resistance wasted no time to get to the point. 

"Look who's talking," she said with a raised eyebrow. 

"There's been some much-needed work to be done." From what she knew of Evfra his excuse made a lot of sense. 

She sighed not wanting to admit it. But she decided to give the least information to him, "Dreams kept me awake."

She desperately hoped she didn't have to say what those dreams were. 

But Evfra didn't ask. He nodded as he understood. "Dreams can do that." He looked at her eyes and saw something. What, she couldn't say. But thankfully he changed the subject. "Are you ready for the mission?"

"Honestly?" She took a deep breath before admitting something she didn't want to. "No, I'm not. I promised myself I wouldn't get into another vault."

He nodded before speaking, "You're brave for doing this."

But Ulrike snorted at his words, "I wouldn't say that." The truth was it's been months since that happened. Yet, she was still stuck in the past. 

"So why did you say yes to the mission?"

That was an excellent question. One she wasn't sure if she could answer. "I don't know. Maybe I just want to move on."

* * *

Ulrike left Evfra alone after their conversation. She used that time to read up on vaults as much as she could. 

Surprisingly the time went by quicker than she expected and she joined her team. 

They would be three people and they didn't expect any trouble. A female Angara named Jafre De Sjel and a male turian called Tultis Recedus joined her. 

"SAM?" 

"Yes Ulrike," he immediately answered.

"I assume you heard the conversations between me and my brother."

"Yes."

She sighed at that. "It's not you. It's just hard after everything happened."

"Your brother said as much. You had a long recovery after the Archon used your implant, but my suggestion about seeing a doctor stands."

She sighed as she thought back after everything. Flashes of something like electricity sparking. Her screams until her voice went raw. She didn't remember how she got out of there. Everything was vague after that. 

Ulrike remembered not being able to stand on her feet so weak she was. Two people helped her get out of there. 

"Are you sure I'll be able to activate the vault?" she changed the subject. It was better not to think about what happened back then. 

"Yes. Your implant is the same as your brother's."

She took a deep breath. She knew that, but it wasn’t what she meant. Afterall she wasn’t a Pathfinder. Ulrike didn't know why, but she had a very bad feeling about this mission, she couldn't shake.

* * *

After gearing up they took a shuttle up to the vault. The Moshae was there wishing them good luck on their mission. 

There was some chatter in the shuttle but Ulrike heard none of it. Her attention was on the anxiety she had of this mission.

When the shuttle stopped she thought her heart did as well. But she ordered her team to do as they were told. 

"So do we know why the vault needs to be activated again?" Tultis asked. 

"No," Ulrike said as she opened the vault door. "The other vaults are fine."

"Will there be an investigation to this?" Jafre asked. 

Ryder shrugged, her assault rifle steady in her hands. "It depends on how this mission goes but for now it's simply just to activate it."

When the other two didn't speak she assumed the conversation died down. 

It went smoothly. There was almost no remnant to be found. It was cleared out the previous time. 

Using SAM to activate the remnant consoles was the hardest thing for her. Not physically. But it reminded her of everything they had to lose because of Andromeda. 

She could see it in her minds eye how she'd be unable to use it. But when she placed her hand on the console SAM did his thing and she felt like she could breathe. 

Perhaps she was worried over nothing. 

* * *

"So this is the console that will activate the vault," the turian said. 

Unlike Jafre he didn't know that much about the vaults. Jafre was one of the Moshae's students. Something that made her perfect for the mission. 

"Yes," Ulrike confirmed. There was nothing they found that suggested why the vault needed to be activated again. She hoped that would be someone's else job later. "Just be ready to run."

"Right," he said as his mind probably gone to the mission debrief, "The death cloud."

"Purification field," Jafre corrected. 

Ulrike read up what she could about the purification field. But there wasn't much information. The most important thing was to make sure you weren't caught in it. 

She placed her hand on the last console and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. 

And then time flew. 

The cloud that could cause their death started coming for them and they ran. 

Ulrike never ran this fast. Adrenaline surrounded her and she had to admit the rush of the mission made her feel good. Until she realized something. 

Jafre wasn't with them. 

"Get the hell away from here," she ordered the turian. 

Her eyes searched quickly for the angara and saw her on the ground where she probably tripped or something. 

Her feet went before she could think. She ran to Jafre as the clouds surrounded them. Ulrike helped her up quickly and told her to run. 

Jafre was a fast runner. Faster than her. That meant one thing. 

Ulrike wasn't fast enough. 

* * *

Ulrike didn't know if she could escape the cloud. It was suffocating her. She could hear her teammates screaming her name but it didn't help. 

She could feel the damage. It felt like her armor was melting with her skin. She was in uncredible pain and except for her name being screamed she did as well. But she kept on running. 

Her team waited for her at the gravity well. And if she arrived a second later the cloud would have caught all of them. 

But none of it stopped the pain. It was the only thing she was aware of. She didn't know where she was or if she was running anymore. 

"Ulrike!" someone shouted but she couldn't register it. 

"She's not listening!" Someone else said. Perhaps a turian this time. 

"She's the only one who can open this door!"

Someone touched her arm. She could feel the bio-electricity. It brought her little relief from her pain. But it was enough. 

"If you don't open this door right now, we're all going to die."

Pain seethed through her arm as she used the console.

* * *

She placed her hand on the console and she only knew the door opened when someone pushed her through.

The shuttle wasn't far from the vault but it felt like she wasn't ever going to be able to get there. With the help of her two teammates she got into the shuttle 

She sat down and pulled her gloves from her boiling hands. Her hands felt like they never hurt like this before. Like they would boil up to nothing. 

She squeezed her eyes shut and wanted to get medi-gel out to soothe the pain but the pain froze her. 

"Stars Ryder," the Angara said and it forced her to open her eyes. She didn't know how it was possible but the pain increased. "Your hands."

"Human hands are not supposed to look like that."

Ulrike didn't know anything. She couldn't say anything. Couldn't think anything. She was only aware of her pain that increased more and more. 

With the help of both her teammates they placed some medi-gel on them. For a second it stopped burning but there was no relief after that. She groaned and frowned as she was overwhelmed with nausea and dizziness. 

Her vision was getting worse and worse.

Jafre was on her omni-tool demanding medical personal to meet them there but her words only floated around them. 

"We're almost there Ryder." It was the turian if she was correct. But she couldn't be sure.

Before she responded she puked in the shuttle, emptying whatever was in her stomach. 

"She's looking worse," Jafre said. She was speaking like Ulrike wasn't there. Maybe she wasn't properly. 

Her vision only got worse and worse. The shuttle opened and instead of the fresh air welcoming, she felt like she couldn't properly breathe. 

Before her vision got completely dark she saw people barking orders. She remembered nothing after that. 

  
  
  



	2. Cleithrophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Zuendwinkel for betaing!!

"What the hell happened Evfra?" Ulric demanded as soon as he saw the leader of the Resistance. 

The Angara shook his head. "You'll receive the report but Ulrike Ryder has radiation poisoning."

He immediately stopped. Did he hear that right? "How is that possible?" The colour from his face drained. 

"She couldn't get fast enough away from the purification field."

He widened his eyes in surprise. That was the last thing he expected. He buried his face in his hands. 

Guilt consumed him. He never should've asked her to go in there. This hasn’t happened to any of the other Pathfinders before. Who knew how this will affect her. 

"How is she doing?"

Evfra looked worried. He never saw the Commander so worried before. "I haven't seen her. No one is allowed to see her. They are keeping her isolated. But there's no good news." 

He took a deep sigh. "I want my doctor aboard."

Evfra looked offended, "I assure you our doctors can handle her."

"The Pathfinder will just feel better."

He didn't know when Peebee arrived but was thankful for it. 

"You are?" Evfra wasn't impressed at all. 

"You can call me Peebee," she immediately gave her hand in a form of a handshake. "I study remnants and I hope I can help."

Evfra slowly shook her hand. Afterwards, he looked back at Ulric. "Your team is welcome to help."

He hoped his sister would be okay. 

* * *

The Pathfinder coming here changed everything. He demanded rightfully answers and unfortunately some of those answers they didn’t have. 

No one was allowed to see her. She was isolated in a cleanroom. Even the doctors had some sort of suits on. Evfra didn’t fully understand it but the radiation destroyed something, the doctor told him what but for the life of him he couldn’t remember what, but because of that it was easier for her to get infections. Something that would be difficult for her body to fight. 

He stood before a window that showed Ulrike’s sleeping form. Her brother was standing there too. Having a worrying frown on his features. 

He couldn’t see her clearly but her hands looked strange. It had colouring he hadn't seen before. The doctors said it was because of the radiation as did her face. She had IV’s in both hands, but he couldn’t say why. Pipes were all over her helping her fight the radiation. The machines peeped, taking Ulrike’s vitals. Half of it he didn’t understand what it meant.

If he was honest with himself things didn’t look good for her. 

He rechecked the report, making sure he didn’t miss anything. Jafre De Sjel tripped and if Ulrike didn’t go back for her she would’ve probably been caught in the purification field. Ulrike saved her life. The Angara felt guilty, he could tell. She wanted to leave as soon as possible at the debrief and avoided his gaze where she could. 

Evfra was furious when they arrived and immediately after the medics took care of Ulrike he demanded answers. Both of them complied. Quickly telling him what went wrong with the mission.

Immediately afterwards he made a call to the Pathfinder. Luckily he wasn’t on an important mission and could immediately leave. 

The Pathfinder has never come as quickly as Aya as he did now.

* * *

Where Evfra looked cool and controlled of his emotions Ulric didn’t. He stood there, looking at the two way mirror. It felt like hours where he imagined the worst possible situations in his head. It was impossible to say how long he kept that line of thought. 

When the leader of the Resistance left it was when he started to pace. It felt like the Tempest doctor took a lifetime. Perhaps more. 

When the door slide opened it felt like his heart would stop. When he realized it was Lexi his heart was practically beating outside of his chest. Demanding answers right away. 

“She’s okay,” Lexi said when she saw the worrying looks. 

But he couldn’t believe her. Because the last thing he would say is that she is okay. His eyes looked back at his sister, “She doesn’t look okay.”

Lexi sighed as she looked at the datapad she was holding. “Under circumstances, she’s doing good. We started her on treatment after determining how much radiation poisoning she has. She’s stable.”

But none of that assured him at all. His eyes were still on Ulrike when he felt Lexi squeezed his hand in support. “That’s good news. We’re doing everything we can.”

“But is that enough?” He asked the one question he didn’t want an answer to. 

“We gave her something to block the radioactive iodine so that it’s not observed by her thyroid gland.”

Ulric frowned at the doctor’s words, “What does that mean?”

“We want to protect her thyroid from redaction injury. Her thyroid gland can’t tell the difference between stable and radioactive iodine.”

He slowly nodded, “Is that all?”

“No, we also gave her something to stimulate the growth of her white blood cells. There is a decrease of them.”

“And that’s because of the radiation?” he asked worriedly.

“Possibly. Her bone marrow will make more, but it will take some time. Because of this, she needs to be isolated. She’s a high risk of infections, and right now it’s very dangerous for her.”

He slowly nodded. He remembered the leader of the Resistance said something similar. “So she can’t be visited?”

A look shined in the asari’s eyes. One he didn’t recognize. Perhaps it was pity. “Not right now. We can think about it later with a suit.”

He only nodded helplessly. There was nothing else he could do. 

* * *

Peebee frowned as the same shadow caught her eye. It was an Angaran. Female. Peebee sighed, wondering what she did sneaking around the cleanroom. 

She approached slowly not trying to scare her off. Her hand touched her back.

The Angara swirled around defensively. Her eyes ready to attack but when she saw it was Peebee her hand went to her chest. “Stars, you scared me.” Her eyes shifted to where the cleanroom was. “Did you see her?”

Peebee frowned trying to piece out who the woman was. “Who are you?” she said instead of answering her question.

Suddenly the Angara’s eyes were filled with guilt. “Jafre De Sjel-”

And Peebee knew exactly why she was creeping around Ulrike. “You were on Ulrike’s team.”

“Yes,” she confirmed. 

“You know,” Peebee started, “You don’t need to sneak around. You can see her if you want to.”

“I can’t!” Jafre stated. Her words dripped with guilt. 

“Jafre…”

“I’m sorry,” she said abruptly. “I shouldn’t be here…”

And she left. 

* * *

Ulric frowned at the image before him. Ulrike didn’t look better from the last few seconds despite his hopes. Her hands or face didn’t look any better. If anything she looked worse. But deep down he knew it was only his imagination. It was his fear that spoke. 

“I shouldn’t have told her to go.”

Hey.” Ulric almost jumped at the sound of someone else’s voice. He didn’t realize, there was another one in there with him. “This is not your fault.” Peebee stood beside him to give him the support he needed.

“Peebee.” His mind still recovered and not fully functioned. Or perhaps he was really tired. That was possible as well. “What are you doing here?”

But instead of giving a remark, she smiled at him instead. “I wanted to check up on you. I talked to her teammate.” Her eyes went to Ulrike and the shock was clear. She didn’t even try to hide it. Perhaps she knew that she couldn’t even if she tried. 

Ulric only stared before him, not even registering her words properly. He heard it but his mind stopped making sense of words. 

“Hey,” Peebee said again, “Are you okay?”

He sighed deeply “I’m sorry.” Ulric buried his head in his hands. “She’s in here because of me.”

“She’s not.” Peebee’s words were clear as the light in this white room. “This could’ve as much happened to anyone else.”

He looked at her with his bright blue eyes. “She didn’t even want to be there.”

Peebee knew why. Many people were shocked that Ulrike went through with this mission after what happened with the Archon. She made it very clear that she didn’t want anything to do with the vaults. But Ulric pushed her. And look at what happened. 

“You wouldn’t have asked her if you knew this would happen. It’s purely bad luck. But she’ll be okay.” She smiled afterwards. Hoping her smile would bring more positivity to the room. 

Ulric looked sceptically at Peebee. “Are you sure about that?”

Her smile faded. As if it was never there, to begin with. “No. But you need to believe that.” She squeezed his arm. “She’ll fight this and win.”

Ulric wasn’t sure if he believed that. 

* * *

Ulrike woke to a world of pain. Every muscle screamed. Everything that could hurt, did. Even opening her eyes was unbearable. A sharp light stabbed her eyes every time she tried. Shifting her body only made tears stream down her face. She barely had the strength to scream, she could only groan. 

When she finally managed to open her eyes. She scanned her surroundings frantically. White, everything was white. Not just white, but sealed, like she was in a cleanroom. But it didn't look like a regular hospital room, something felt strange about it. Anxiety squeezed her chest as she studied the rest of the room. Wires and tubes trailed from her hands and body.

She frowned. _ What the hell happened? _

The door opened. Her mind screamed danger when someone in a white hazard suit entered. Her pulse skyrocketed. Had she been somehow captured? Racking her brain, she couldn't remember the last thing that happened. The gap in her memory scared her. 

Machines screamed. Red lights blinked somewhere out of the corner of her eyes. But she heard none of it only her own heartbeat. More people dressed in white hazard suits rushed in. She didn't know what was happening anymore. 

When one of them held her shoulders, they must have spoke, but Ulrike heard none of it. The suit obscured their face. Maybe they wanted her to stay calm, maybe they wanted her to just breathe, she didn't know, she didn't care. She couldn't trust anyone here. 

Her pulse thundered so loud in her ears she was sure she would go deaf from it. Her heart slammed so hard against her ribs, she thought they must have shattered by now. As her breath grew short, she knew the end was near. Her vision tunnelled and darkness took her.

* * *

“How is she doing?” Ulric demanded when Lexi came out of Ulrike’s room. 

Lexi began with a sigh, “She woke up but it was too early. She’s in too much pain.”

None of it sounded pleasant to his ears. It felt like she wasn’t getting any better. He always trusted Lexi but this he found it hard to trust her as he usually did. 

He only shook his head, “Is she any better?”

“Ryder,” Lexi squeezed his arm, “We’ll get there. Her blood work looks better than the previous. It’s going to take some time but we’re getting there. That’s the important part.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. The only thing he could do was to trust the doctor. “She doesn’t look any better.”

“To the eye no. But she’ll get there. She just needs some time.”

He nodded, hoping it would be enough for now. “Can I see her yet?”

Lexi hesitated at that moment. “Not yet. She needs more rest.”

* * *

Ulrike felt like each time she woke up she wasn’t truly awake. Each time it felt worse and worse. The people with the masks were always there. 

The pain never got better. She couldn’t tell if each time she lost consciousness because of the pain or because she was extremely exhausted. She was so tired she couldn’t even lift her arm up. 

All she knew was pain. Later she didn’t even care who the people with the masks were. She just wanted them to leave her alone so that she can get some rest. 

The smell was of cleaning supplies. It smelled like a hospital but she knew in her heart it couldn’t be safe. 

Ulrike wasn’t sure what happened before and what needed to happen now. All she knew was the present, and that is almost too painful to bear. 

Sometimes she fought them off, but those were the times she had the most energy. All in all she was just very confused.

Ulrike Ryder just wanted this to end. 

* * *

Evfra wasn’t sure why the doctor wanted to speak with him. He visited Ulrike when he could and most time her brother was there as well. 

The Pathfinder did some business on Aya. Maybe he did it because he needed to keep his mind distracted. Maybe he did it, so that Ulrike wasn’t the only reason he was there on Aya.

Nobody would blame him if he stayed longer for her. It was family and it was important that he’s there for her in case she needed him. But still, he continued with whatever business he could. 

In most of his visits, her brother was there as well. They never breathed a word though. Perhaps both of them wanted to be alone with their own thoughts. 

Lexi and the Pathfinder were already in the office when he came in. The doctor immediately started. 

“Ryder. Evfra.” She looked at each of them in return. “I’m glad you could’ve come.”

The Pathfinder already jumped to conclusions. “Is it Ulrike? Is she okay?”

Lexi immediately stopped him with her hands. “She’s okay, but she is the reason I want us to have this conversation.”

Evfra frowned. “Is there a problem?” If it was medical equipment there would be no problems to find them. 

“No,” she immediately said, “But I think you two should visit her.”

Where the Pathfinder was happy immediately, Evfra acted with caution. “You said she needed rest.”

The smile that began to form on the Pathfinder’s lips faded a bit and everyone’s focus was on Lexi. “Yes, but she is very confused and at times she fights us.”

That was when all signs of happiness faded from the Pathfinder. He shut his eyes and spoke, “She doesn’t know you’re helping her. This is happening still? You said she will recognize you.” The Pathfinder started to sound angry and Evfra couldn’t blame him.

“Ryder,” Lexi started softly. “The drugs make her confused and she’s in a lot of pain. It will take some time.”

That’s when Ulric lost it. He stood up and threw his chair. Lexi was startled by it and took a deep breath. “Everything takes time. That’s all that you say!”

“Ryder-”

“She’s in pain and now you tell me she’s not feeling safe!?”

It wasn’t just that and Evfra understood his reaction. It has been days and they still didn’t know if Ulrike was out of danger. Her face and hands looked better but she was still as weak as she once was. 

“Ulric.” This time Lexi used his first name and Evfra had a feeling she didn’t do that very often. “You need to calm down.”

He only narrowed his eyes and abruptly left the scene. Lexi was chasing him and Evfra just stared down the room. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


	3. Agoraphobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Zuendwinkel for betaing!!
> 
> This is part of the bad things happening prompts. Prompted by [ Ripley95 ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripley95/). Prompt: Cabin Fever

Evfra sat and watch from the two-way mirror while Ulric spoke with Ulrike’s sleeping form. He didn’t know why he came and watched them. He felt like he was invading their privacy, yet he couldn’t move away. His feet were glued to the floor, forced to see what is happening to her. 

Jafre came to visit once but immediately disappeared after she saw the other Ryder’s condition. Guilt overwhelmed her and Evfra decided he would make a point to talking to her about it. 

At first, Evfra was furious at the team for letting this happen to their team leader but later he understood it wasn’t their fault and he couldn’t blame them anymore. 

When he came here he immediately switched off the comms so that he wouldn’t be able to spy on the twins. They deserved privacy. Ulric didn’t even care if they had privacy or not. He just wanted to see his sister.

Evfra couldn’t see his lips. The only thing he saw was the black hair and him holding his sister’s hand. Probably begging her to get better as soon as possible. 

It could’ve been hours that he stood there, it could’ve been days. Time didn’t matter to him. Usually, he was so focussed on his work but right now he couldn’t. Work didn’t matter anymore. Nothing did. And the people around him thankfully understood. Why? He couldn’t tell.

It wasn’t like the Pathfinder’s sister was someone special. They didn’t even have a relationship. Sure, he enjoyed their conversations. She was the only one that could turn a bad day of his into the best one he had. He slowly but surely began to trust her. But he didn’t love her.

Or so he told himself again and again. But that didn’t stop his mind going back to her.

His mind went back to the present as the Pathfinder stood up from his seat. He looked like he aged by 10 years from the time he went to see Ulrike. He wondered where the Pathfinder was going. But it felt like hours have passed since he came back to talk to him. 

His hand was in the doorway. The door stayed open for him. “You can go see her.”

He firmly nodded. He had to stop himself not going immediately through the door to see her. But he needed to know. “How is she?”

Ulric shrugged as if they weren’t talking about his sister. But his eyes dropped to the floor. “I don’t know. The doctors said she’s doing good. But…”

Ulric didn’t need to continue. He understood completely. “She doesn’t look better.”

He slowly nodded. “Yes,” Ulric said softly. “Will she ever be okay?”

The question was left in the air for no one to answer.

* * *

Evfra spent his time getting ready to be clean and into a suit with hard looks and shouts at the medical personnel. Time dragged on. Couldn’t they understand there was someone he needed to see? Why were they taking so long with this?

Perhaps Evfra was unfair. They were only doing their job. If Ulrike gets an infection it would be horrible for her. She might not survive it and Evfra wouldn’t be able to live with himself if that happened. 

So he tried to work his best. Automatic brushes cleaning and people helping him to get into his suit. They tested his comms and speaker. 

He could hear clearly enough. And it was time to see her. 

But as soon as Evfra went inside the cleanroom he froze. He needed to go closer, take her hand and assure her, even though she’s unconscious, that everything will be okay. But yet as he stood there he just couldn’t. There was too much at stake here. She looked even weaker from here. 

He came closer until he stood next to her bed. And he almost cried when he saw her. Machines were beeping away. She had an oxygen mask on. More tubes came out of her body than he could’ve counted.

Her face and hands were healing. There was almost no tell that she had radiation posing.

She looked so small in the medical gown as if he took his eyes away from her she would disappear. So his eyes never left her and just like her brother he took a seat and took her hands in his. 

Ryder…” he started awkwardly. He suddenly felt like the weakest Angara in Andromeda. No words would be enough. He felt very uncomfortable being here. But he needed this. She needed this. Ulrike needed people around her that cared about her. “I don’t normally do this. I shouldn’t be here. I’m so uncomfortable here. Seeing you like this. “

He moved around the chair uncomfortably. He expected the chairs to be more comfortable than this. “But I need to be here. Seeing you like this is the hardest thing I had to see. But,” he gave a deep sigh, “You’ll get better. I don’t need to ask you to get better. You’re the strongest person I know.”

A smile graced his lips as he remembered the late-night conversations they always have. “I never thought I would miss you like this. Things are different without you.” His voice began to be chocky and he looked at the window. No one was there. Something he was very thankful for. No one should see the Commander like this. When he looked back at her there were tears in his eyes. But he smiled nonetheless. “You’ll be back to work in no time. I know you don’t like lying around so don’t. Show the people what you’re made of.”

* * *

That night Evfra’s nightmares returned with a vengeance. But it wasn’t the ones he usually had. It was about Ulrike. 

She died in his dreams and there was nothing he could do about it. He was entirely helpless and looked at her brother while he cried. 

Humans don’t like to cry easily, not like Angaras. But in his dreams, the Pathfinder didn’t care about that. He mourned for his sister.

Nobody realized he was exhausted and Evfra was more thankful for that than he could possibly say. But even during the day his dreams plagued him. He couldn’t help but to keep worrying about her. 

He knew they weren’t true, but it still bothered him. Usually he knew his dreams were false. They were lying to him and Evfra couldn’t tolerate liars. But that didn’t stop them from bothering him. 

* * *

“You wanted to see me.”

Evfra looked up from his work and saw the Angara that was with Ulrike on the mission. So much has changed. She still looked guilty. Not even wanting to breathe out loud. 

“Yes,” Evfra confirmed, “Take a seat.” He showed with his hands at the nearby seat. 

She only nodded and walked with no hesitation. “Of course. Why did you want to see me?”

He could see it in her eyes. She was afraid he would bring up what happened with Ulrike. She had survivor’s guilt. That was never easy. 

“I wanted to talk to you about the mission.”

Suddenly she began to be defensive. “Commander, I’m really sorry. It’s my fault-”

But Evfra lifted his hand in response. “No need. Accidents happen. You should get a suit and go see her.”

A frown appeared in the other Angara’s features. “She’s allowed to have visitors?’

“Yes.” Evfra smiled. That alone made him happy. 

“Commander I can’t.”

The first step is to forgive yourself. What happened happened. You cannot change that.”

She nodded. But he could see the look of disbelief in her eyes. 

* * *

The whole time getting cleaned Jafre thought of what happened with Ulrike. 

_ It’s my fault. _

_ Who trips on a mission? _

The Ryder, she didn’t really know haunted her dreams. She kept seeing the mission over and over, but this time they couldn't get her to the medics fast enough. This meant, she died in her arms.

It was a horrible sight. 

She shook the thoughts away as she got inside the clean room. For a moment after taking the chair she just stared and stared. 

The sores on her hands and face looked much better she heard. It definitely looked better from the time she saw them up close. 

_ “Stars Ryder, you’re hands.” _

She shut her eyes hoping the images would disappear. 

“Hey Ulrike,” she started. “Please wake up. I can’t let my mistake be the one thing that kills you.”

“The Commander will not survive it.” They all saw the way their Commander looked at this Ryder. It was good that he found someone again. 

She sighed. “I’m really sorry for what I did. People say I should forgive myself.” Tears were flowing down her cheeks. 

But how can I, when I almost let one of my teammates die? I’m trying, but I can’t do it. Not until you wake up.

“Please be okay. I can’t let a fellow soldier’s death be on my shoulders.”

* * *

Evfra rushed to see Ulrike. It was one of his longest days yet. She woke up earlier but she was confused as usual. 

Sometimes he wasn’t sure, if the drugs they gave her were a blessing or a curse. But he knew, it helped her. And that was most important.

He hoped today would be different but as he got into her room she still looked the same. She slept through it all and Evfra couldn’t help to getting mad at her. Didn’t she know that he needed her?

Just as he was about to leave something caught his eye. Strange noises were coming from her and Evfra immediately went into action. Was she awake? 

Slowly her eyes began to open and he was more thankful than he could possibly say. At first, he needed to make sure it actually happened. 

“Wh-” she began to say but her eyes squeezed close in pain. When she opened them up again she was extremely anxious. “No! No! What do you want?” Her voice sounded very weak. Very unlike her. 

But at that moment Evfra didn’t care. He was too happy to see her awake. 

“It’s okay. It’s Evfra,” he tried to assure her. 

Her features deepened into a frown. “Evfra?” she whispered. “I don’t understand.”

Evfra wished, he could jump out of his hazard suit and be there for her. If it wasn’t dangerous for her, he would’ve done that. Instead, he took her hand with his gloved hand.

It’s okay, I’m wearing this for your protection.” Evfra never wanted to hold her with his own hands as much as now.

He didn’t know how it was possible but her frown deepened even further. “What happened?”

He wondered, if was a bad sign, that she didn’t know. Was something wrong with her memories? Ulrike didn’t need more problems. She needed to heal and do what she loves. 

“You were caught up in a purification field.”

She squeezed her eyes shut with his words. “That really happened.” She sighed as if she relived her moments of pain.

“How do you feel?”

“Everything hurts,” she said as another wave of pain came over her. 

Evfra nodded, “You need some rest. I’ll get the doctor.” He squeezed her hand in support.

There was something in her eyes. A look of hesitance but she shook her head instead. He had a feeling it was an inner fight, she shook her head for. “Okay.”

* * *

Little by little Ulrike got better each day. Some days were bad others were better. Nontheless her days were filled with fear and pain.

She never wanted to go into a vault ever again. Silently she promised herself she wouldn’t. But perhaps this was a promise she would break herself. 

Being in isolation with people covered behind masks was slowly killing her. She hated this. She needed to be around people and this was driving her insane. But this also gave her a lot of time to think. 

The nightmares of the Archon only got worse. Each night he visited her dreams.

“You wanted to see me.” Her brother was acting as if they worked together and she was his superior. Which told her one thing: He knew why she wanted to talk to him. 

During their past conversations they have never talked about, what happened. They both knew why. He was feeling guilty over what had happened. Why she didn’t understand 

“I need to talk to you,” she started.

He only nodded stifly. 

“Stop that.”

He frowned at her, having no idea what she was talking about. “With what?”

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “It’s not your fault. If anything it is mine.”

“Ulrike no… It can’t be your fault.”

She gave him a smile. Not even she knew what it meant. “I was too slow.” She squeezed her eyes shut as she saw the death cloud surrounding her. The machines beeped at her heart rate increasing. 

“Ulrike don’t think of that.” His eyes went to the monitor, knowing exactly what she was going through at that moment. “It’s over.”

She nodded slowly, “You’re right. I wish I didn’t go. But,” she said quickly as she saw the guilt all over her brother’s face. “You didn’t hold a gun over my head. I chose to go. Not you. For crying out loud, would you please stop blaming yourself?”

He nodded. But she could see in his eyes it didn’t sink in. There was nothing she could do about that. 

“But,” she started, “I’m not going to work with the vaults. I’ll do some SAM- related works, but not this.”

He nodded slowly yet again. “I’ll support you.”

* * *

“How’s our patient today?”

“Bored,” Ryder immediately said.

“You need to heal Ulrike.”

“You keep saying that.”

The doctor took a chair next to her. Ulrike only frowned in response. “We need to talk Ulrike. I spoke with SAM.”

She closed her eyes. Ulrike knew exactly, what it was about, but Lexi only continued. “You keep having nightmares about what happened with the Archon. You keep reliving them. You want to avoid vaults altogether.”

“Lexi please,” she choked, “I can’t do this.”

“Ulrike,” she squeezed her hand. “What you went through is horrible. It was traumatic-”

“I was weak!” she interrupted. 

“You saved your brother’s life,” she continued. “That’s bravery. If you didn’t restore his link with SAM he would’ve died.”

Tears were beginning to flow on her cheeks. “I just want it to stop.”

“I know,” Lexi said knowing. But she couldn’t possibly know. “You need help. You need therapy. You need to stop avoiding this.”

“I can’t do this again,” she choked again.

She did this with both Harry and Lexi but it didn’t help. In fact she couldn’t cope at all, so she decided to avoid everything Archon or Kett related. It was better that way. 

“We’ll find something that works.”

But Ulrike couldn’t trust the words. 

* * *

“SAM,” Ulrike spoke into the air. 

“Yes, Ulrike.”

“When can I leave?”

Ulrike was going crazy. She couldn’t take the suits. She was allowed to walk but only in the same room. She was tired of the tests and everything. 

Your body can’t handle the world outside of isolation.” It was always the same answer and she was sick of it.

She rolled her eyes even though SAM couldn’t see her. 

* * *

Days dragged on and on. Test after test. She was prodded with needles and even though, she wasn’t afraid of them, she was tired of it all.

She was full of energy, that was going nowhere. At least Evfra visited her. That helped spending some hours without boredom.

Jafre came as well. She apologized over what had happened. But it wasn’t her fault. 

“How are you doing?” he once asked. 

“I’m going crazy. I can’t take this anymore.” She threw her hands in the air and paced. 

“You’ll get out of here.”

She threw him a look. She couldn’t see his face very well but his movement showed it did something. “I’m just sick of this.”

“I know.”

* * *

“Are you ready to get out of here?” Lexi asked.

“Hell yes!” Ulrike didn’t know, a person could miss getting hugs, but she couldn’t wait giving hugs to people without a suit. She could envision herself giving hugs to all the Angaras.

“You’re just like your brother. But you’re good to go.”

She gave a long unexpected hug to the doctor. “Thank you. I really appreciate everything you did for me.”

Weeks in isolation, Ulrike was tired of her own thoughts. Most of the time she was sleeping. She was tired of sleeping.

Immediately she went to Evfra and the first thing she did was hugging him. His body was slower, shocked by her. It felt nice hugging him. 

“What was that for?”

She smiled at him, “I just really missed you.”

Evfra gave a smile of his own, “Me too Ulrike. Me too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwrites.tumblr.com/).

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


End file.
